Today has been hard. It’s been one month. It hurts longing for your voice, your hug – not being able to talk to you about everything going on. I play with the boys and I wish you could see them. I wish they could play with their Grammy. I was looking at pictures and videos of you with Quinny today. My boys had such an amazing Grammy. I watched you dancing with them in Mexico. They loved you so much.
Desi has been struggling in school. He doesn’t want to go. It’s harder this year and I’m sure it’s in part because of losing you. He talks about death and cancer sometimes, about being afraid. I wish I could just lie to him and tell him that everything will be ok and will always be ok, but we know that’s not the case, don’t we? The best Michelle and I can do is re-assure him that right now, we’re all ok and we’re together. Children shouldn’t have to deal with this stuff, but this is reality.
I want my Mom, but all I get instead is a blank page upon which to memorialize my thoughts, my love for you and my pain. We’ve started planning the celebration of life. I hope to make it special for you at a place you would like. We have a few places in mind. Fall is in the air and that makes me think of you….along with a thousand other things. You can’t go with us to Roba’s or the fall hikes. No cider donuts together. No halloween lights or pumpkin patches. Everything is a darker shade of gray without you.
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